Aside from a few clothes, there's nothing I really want or need to send down to New Orleans. Good because I'm about to spend a whole lot of money (I think) to fix my tablet.

It can't cost more than a thousand, though... right? If that's what I paid for it? *worries* Gotta call the N.O center again, too. It'd just stink to not find a provider when I'm not even ten shots in. Next shot is on November 27th. I wonder how the heck that'll work out...

Take a look at this strip from Jim Davis' "U.S. Acres" comic strips. It's too bad this strip didn't make it past book five.



I want Bo Sheep back. He was adorable.

Amanda Lepore wants me to call her. Amanda Lepore wants me to call her.

AMANDA FUCKING LEPORE WANTS ME TO CALL HER!

brb- dying.

Hey, Matthew- we did it. The Matthew Shepard Act (Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act) is going to be signed into law before the end of the month.

Go door to door spread the love you got
You got the love

( Extra thoughts, two related videos- Laramie Project part I and Melange's MV as seen on Logo )

All pessimism aside for one second here? I feel like we've saved the world a little. I feel like I've helped. Now that it's part of the law and there will be more investigation into homophobia, biphoba, and transphobia... well! That's the first step towards education. Let's do a happy one, then. Victory is victory.

Two more appointments, one next Wednesday, one on the 21st. I love going to the clinic, but best of all, I love talking with H, the TG case manager. He's fantastic, has his MA in psychology, and seems to just get me. A few days ago, he was letting me voice my concerns about Testosterone.

HT: I feel like I won't know how to control it if I get upset while on T. Someone told me that it intensifies everything.
H MA: Look, do you get upset sometimes now?
HT: Yeah, sometimes.
H MA: Well do you go around breaking things?
HT: No.

H MA: Well, when you're on T, your control and that upbringing will still be there. T isn't going to turn you into some kind of monster. T isn't a monster that'll take over your brain. You'll have the potential and you'll feel as though you can, but you won't do anything you don't want to do.
HT: ... Like... *Feels stupid, shuts up* Never mind. It's dorky.
H MA: No, go on. It's ok!
HT: Like how Harry didn't get sorted into Slytherin because he didn't want to be sorted into Slytherin?
H MA: Exactly. He had it inside of him, but he didn't want to go down that path and so he didn't.

How great is it that he'll talk to me like that? How fantastic?
Hnn... Before Halloween. It should happen before Halloween.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about this article www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/issues/issue_222/6610-Too-Gay-for-the-U-S-A
It seems a little... well, I guess I'm just taking it to personally, or maybe the guy is uneducated as far as TG issues go, but he seems to think that... well, I'll let you read it.

As it turns out:
It takes seconds and little effort to scare people, a lot of work to "un-scare" them
The truth takes a lot longer to say (and I mean the srs bsns truth, not the kind I mess with)
It's not so much that the word is offensive, but what you think they think they think they mean when they say it (ya dig?)

If you read this, sometime before the end of 2009, go up to a stranger (or turn to the stranger next to you) and say this to them:

"Hi. We don't know each other, but if the zombie apocalypse hit and we were the only survivors for miles around, we'd be best friends in less than two weeks."*

Do it. I will.

*This was not a line from the movie

Also: I still believe that the only people I want to be with during Zombie times are my Northlanders. We can journey to save Obama together... or just hole up at NC. Or road trip it.

No calls or messages from NC yet to say that the three packages have arrived. Worry.
Tomorrow might just be my last day at HRC (seven weeks early, by my count). No idea. Worry.
Wondering what to sent to N.O and how. How to get there and when, too. Worry.
Tablet still isn't in repair. Worry.

Major worry about the changes that begin on the 29th. Wonder what'll become of me.

The good news is that External isn't going to cost two thousand to fix, as I thought it would any my malware problem is fixed. Guess it isn't all horrible. Other people have it worse, I'm sure. In fact, I know they do.

On the upside, not having to go to work Thursday would be sort of nice and the directors have been nothing but nice about everything.

Raining. Cold. Windy.

I was completely justified in taking in pregnant kitty today. She's next to me right now, purring and kneading my leg (ow). Also called ASPCA, Animal Care and Control, and the Animal cops. I'm saving this cat if it kills me.

Also, Hard Drive Recovery via Geek Squad = 1,800.00. FML. Is there really no cheaper alternative?! Argh, I'd rather not risk it. It's just money, right? It's my baby, what I work for when food, water, and shelter are all met. So if not this, then nothing* It'll be ok.



Should do this with my hair, yes/no?



*Well no, not nothing. Speaking of which, please call me if you see any sign of me outside of the internet.

In this Entry:
- Birdy
-Boo Hoo
-Bad Neighbor; no biscuit

Birdy
You wouldn't believe it if I told you.
Today during canvasing, I saw an unusual bird. It was hopping around, searching for food. I got close enough to it to touch it and it started to hop right into the open American Apparel store.

"Oh! Is it ok?" This from a young woman standing near it. "Don't go in there, baby! You'll get hurt!"

So I picked it up gently and just as I was saying "don't think it can fly" it took off- right into the store. Phew!

Now here's the nutty part. I went back to canvasing for a bit, then turned to have a sip of my Jamba Juice. When I turned around, guess what was on my shoulder? Birdy, that's who. I have no idea why it picked that spot.

spent the next 45 minutes canvasing with the bird in my hand. It took a short nap, then took off, but not before I got a piccy.

I got quite attached, sadly, before it flew away. But I knew I couldn't keep it, of course. Still...

Boo Hoo
Everyone's back at Northland. Am intesely jealous and keep looking at the clock going "Ohhh, I'd be at dinner now" or "I'd be telling Shannon a lie right now" or "Bet they're watching Colbert..." Boo Hoo.

I suspect they have already replaced us, precious. 2.0 has pink hair. Still, all I want to do is meet her, for she'd be loved.

Bad Neighbor; no biscuit
Since I've got to leave mother's house soon, I don't know if I should call the cops on Bad Neighbor with Pregnat Kitty. Dad tells me no. Mother tells me no. Gracie, though... I've got to save her. They aren't neglecting her, I don't think. And the woman seems nice enough. I'm just concerned about the babies.

Advice? What would you do?

((That is all the presents))

It took some self-restraint not to title this thing "I hate the stupid, ignorant Ni**ers that live in my mother's Neighborhood". In the first place, it would be misinterpreted. In the second place, it'd imply that they're all like that when I'm only referring to the people worthy of that title (stupid, ignorant, selfish title, that is).

I was resigned to spend as little time as possible away from the residents of the area after the District 9 fiasco in which the stereotypes of the you-know-who talking loudly at the movie screen. I managed to get a free ticket out of that anyway... only to use it at the same theater and have people, once again, talking the entire time and have one man throw a can of soda at me when I tried to ask him not to talk (true story). Today, though, I think I'm finally fed up.

( 98 lbs of rescue )

There's a cat down the street. Her name's Grace and whenever I come home from work and call out to her, she runs to me. Her owners aren't exactly neglecting her, but I noticed today that, once again, she's about to have kittens.

Her owner told me that she's "probably had kittens before, but I've never seen them". I left them a note saying that if they kept her indoors this time, I'd do my best to get homes for them. If possible, I'd also like to pay for her to be spayed.

Wonder what I'm getting myself into.
But what else am I supposed to do?

Downloaded a Yaoi game (you'd think I'd do it sooner, hu?). Played it three times with different choices. Turns out that on the first run, I had managed to find the quickest route to both gay sex and failure. Without even trying! I hope that's not indicative.

Nice Things

today, as I was kneeling in front of the toilet, about to make myself throw up, I stood up and looked in the mirror. for the first time in my life I actually felt beautiful and walked out of there without throwing up. MLIG.
-Mylifeisg.com

I'm Caitlin, and I'm the editor of Operation Beautiful. The mission of Operation Beautiful is to post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. You are enough... just the way you are!
- Operation Beautiful
((They say other, but, or course anyone can do it. Leave a few notes around, won't you?))

( More of the same; only in Drawings )

Benny (my old room mate) and I exchanged text messages on Tuesday, then called and talked for a few hours.

Called Erika last night, and she called back and so we had a fantastic conversation.

Found out that Martin's gift is set for pickup on Friday and am planning on a mini-shipping spree to NC before Halloween.

Red and I talked on Facebook. Since I was on the site already, I finally allowed myself to revisit the memories of Northland college. It did hurt a little, but there was mostly joy there. Told Red what I thought, which was a sentence of emotional loving on the NCites, how I didn't really make word puns without them there. I also took a bunch of Facebook photographs for graffiti work, which meant looking through a lot of old memories.

Now here's the proof part of the post.

Usually when I dream of zombies, it's me and a few other people (a good amount) trapped and afraid, hiding for our lives. I had a zombie dream last night, but (and I really am not making this up) there were only two or three people with me. Think they represented the strongest of the personality types in the group. Instead of hiding, we put on rain coats, grabbed umbrellas, and were fighting the zombies off with them.

I wasn't all that afraid. A little but more confident than anything, and just really happy. Literally the first happy dream I can remember in a long while (though there might have been a Ron-on-Draco dream). I'm taking it as a sign of how I feel about The Party. Yeah, that's what we were. I mean ARE. The Party never dies, they just have to be separated for a little bit because the universe can't bear that concentration of nerdiness awesomeness intense meta-love pwnage for more than a few years. We'll meet again, and if we don't, I'm shipping pre-mixed kool-aid out with the reunion invitations in 50 years.

Also, I distinctly remember Graham with his bowler hat, brown steam clothes, and an umbrella that I think was yellow and navy.

Edit: Fix Graham's name, yes/yes? Yes.

I guess the new director, unpleasant and horrid as she is, the one we privately think of as She-Nazi, is here to stay. I honestly have no idea how much longer I can stay with the HRC now. Not because I refuse to work with her, but because directors are the ones that cheer us on when we're down on ourselves.

Wasn't a good sign that when she came in, the first thing she did was tell us that we had the highest rate of failed monthly members in the nation. Funny, we also sign up the most monthly members in the nation, too, and we pointed this out and got snippy remarks back saying that if we just confirmed our MMs, we wouldn't fail so hard. Confirming means calling over the person you're canvasing with and saying "This is so-and-so. So and so, meet our newest MM." As though this will magically make people decide not to cancel their monthly membership with the HRC when they're living in one of the most expensive places to live.

Wasn't a good sign that the day after she came, we went from doing, at worst, 10K a day to doing 5,000 as an office. Could be a coincidence. Some of my co-workers are groaning about this being the worst week they've ever had. It felt nice to speak to J about this- he's fantastic and still he was fretting over his weekly average

Wasn't a good sign that during evening debriefing, we were all checking the boards and making very quiet groaning noises if we happened to see that we were debriefing with her.

( Finally, the rant. It's not very powerful. )

But I end on a happy note. It doesn't happen much, but sometimes someone will stop, put their hand on my shoulder, and say "I don't have a minute, but thank you so much for the work you're doing. I'm glad you're out here."
I smile when they do that and for a few minutes at least, I replay what they said. I really wish this job wasn't about how much we raise or that we'd only get paid based on what we raise. That way, if we didn't make $200.00 for three days, we'd still have the option of returning. It really is about educating people. I'd come back, sure would. Don't ask me why; I just would.

I asked for next week off and they gave it to me. Lots of people are off next week, in fact.

Planned on going to see District 9 on Friday.

Instead, went after work to the Dallas Bar and Grill with co-workers, then to Karaoke with them, then to a trassexual/Gederqueer BDSM club called "Switch".

There were mini-adventures in between that- sitting around hearing offensive jokes, taking the Taxi, walking on the highway, stopping to get Vanilla cigars, meeting a kind transvestite (yes- vestite- ze did not identify as transsexual. Oh, and shut up about the "Sweet transvestite", too), voyeur-ing like mad, making new friends... discovering that I really, really, really can't bear to see/hear a woman cry, even if it's consensual.
( A little about SWITCH )

Did not get back until 4:30 AM, which was murder considering I'd gotten up at 6:30 that day. If any of you want to visit me in New York

Going to see District 9 after work. Very excited.

Finished a few more audio books on the commute

Three Men on a Boat- I adore this book so much; I can't begin to describe it. I'm uploading it, and you'd damn well better download it and listen. It's priceless, every bit of it, but I especially loved the fight with the tin of pineapple and Montmorency's encounter with the cat. Download it or read it for free online, I don't care, just get it ito your brain somehow.
Interesting side note- not once did I find myself slashing any of the men in this book. I am not kidding. It's that good.

The Doll People- Cute. So cute! Glad the two types of dolls weren't at war with one-another, as I thought they'd be. Mom and Dad Funcraft crack me up with their reactions.

Acorna the Unicorn Girl- Great, save for the forced relationships. By the end, I wanted to strangle Pal Kendoro. It was kinda disgusting how contrived the relationships were- women characters clearly created just to be paired off with the men. Oh, and also- STFU JUDIT AND STFD. Aside from that, I loved the nasally, robotic voice the narrator used for Acorna.

Books I'm working on now:

Five Quarters of the Orange
The Invisible Ring (Stop calling it a "dangle", would you? That's just gross.)
Dragon Rider

I'll probably pick up "The Magic Toy Shop" again, but I was put off by one offensive line that happened to come just when I was in no mood. It happens. Problem is, I can't seem to keep my mind on one book at a time. Also, when Wait Wait Don't Tell Me comes out on Saturdays, I drop everything to listen to that.

New Haircut
I got one

Hurrah for Romeo
Yay, Romeo, one of the top five highest canvassers and all around funny fantastic fellow. During his campaign news update, he highlighted Twilight!

"So how many of you are familiar with the book series Twilight? (a few boos) Yeah, well, some of you, I see. So, yeah, Twilight, for those of you that don't know, is a series about vampires (Murmurs of "They're not vampires...) and it's destroying the gay community. See, the writer of the series, Stephenie Mormon-- MEYER (It was an honest mistake, he really meant to say Meyer) Meyer is a Mormon. She's got to do this thing called tithing, which is giving ten percent of her earnings to the Mormon Church. As you know, the Mormon church largely funded Prop 8.

People are going on about "oh, this series is about love, it's about relationships" but in reality, it's destroying hundreds of relationships. It really pisses me off that I am literally on the streets begging for my rights, rights I should already have, and I see people with that book in hand. If you must buy a vampire series, I encourage you to check out Buffy the Vampire Slayer (little cheers). Yeah! It's a great series, it's pro-female, and the creator, Joss Whedon is a outspoken gay rights advocate. And that's my campaign update!" (More cheers)

I told this to everyone that I could, when I remembered. The best part was when I told two girls that if they wanted to see the movies, they could buy a ticket to a different movie, then sneak into the Twilight theater.

I intend to get this rant out one day or another... I just keep getting distracted.
We're going to the toy shop (kids, not adult) later on, J and I, for our second date.

Audio Books completed on the Commute:
Marley and Me
Ender's Game
The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I can upload them, too, if you want. Just comment.

*Starts to rant, loses the feeling*
I still have my HRC job. I'll rant later when I'm actually annoyed.
( I miss you, but don't I always? You don't go into a friendship like the one we had without knowing that it'll end in agony unless we were all to die instantaneously and at the same time. Some of us knew it and tried to cut out, but there is no escape from the mob that was us. Once you're in, you're in. )

Wrote the next part of this entry first, and it is to be read in a much more chipper tone tha the previous
Downloaded Alicia Keys' CD from one of the swap communities I'm in. Because as I listened to her song "No One" and began thinking of my tour of Wisconsin, something came to me.

"Well that's why I can't feel anything for J or for anyone else. It's because I've already given all of my love to them. My Northlanders."

Don't worry; no lyrics. I'd just have to post them all because every word applies. I had to turn it off anyway. Was getting weepy.

1- Tell me what you think about this. Feel free to foam and Roar. Shann, I am looking at you, the artist, especially. I mean, I know I have a lot of artists here, but my clearest memory of Hammer-Shan always calls on the art building and a lot of different media.

2- I'd rather RP in any form or poke around the internet or troll than date. Tell that to people, and they say that either you can't get any or that you haven't met the right someone. I don't like having such narrow options. Wish I could make myself interested in having a relationship in that way.

Movies with J again on Friday.

Richard called. He'll be in New Orleans by August tenth. We'll talk more later on, but he's sure that the ideal situation will be me moving in December. For some reason, that really worries me. Either I'll have to find a job from September until December, or I can go ahead with the non-ideal plan and move in September, like I planned.

I mean, I could work with HRC (conceivably) until December, but I don't know if I'll last that long- not because I mind how draining the job is. With the "three days without two hundred dollars" rule has me worried every day. I'm only really relaxed after I get that two hundred. Then, I usually go on to make it between three and six because I'm more relaxed and focused on the message as opposed to freaking out about people not stopping.

Nothing's really different. I just have a limited time frame now. Gotta find a job down there (might go into FEMA work; can you believe it? They need Psychology majors!). Gotta think about making my Psych degree useful (getting an MA or PhD). Gotta get my social security card changed to "Theodore". ... Gotta get back to that free clinic and see about this supposed T program they have for almost-free.

Today was nice, though.

Vic, one of the HRC field managers (that looks a lot like Regina Spektor) was looking around for her crew this morning.

"Where's Anna? Anyone seen Anna? Is there only Director Anna, or is there another one?" She asked. "Anna? Anyone seen Anna?"

Had an idea. I didn't think it'd work, but I thought I'd try it anyway.

"Didn't they ban her?" I asked.

I couldn't believe it, but she looked right at me and said "Ban Anna?"

One of the other women laughed at that, and only then did she realize what I'd done. All that was missing was Red pretending to hit me. I miss that.

We rescued a baby bird from being trampled. It was in front of one of those designer stores, chirping and looking sort of vexed. We thought, at first, that it was injured, but when we saw two other birds bringing it food, we realized it was a baby.

Talked to the store owners and they gave us a ladder so that I could move it up to the store's flat awning. It bit me a little as I carried it up, but it calmed down once it was actually up there. At first, I was worried that the parents couldn't find it, but they did, and for the rest of the last hour, I watched them flying to bring it food. I think it was less worried then, because it only chirped when the parents flew in with food, rather than constantly. Besides that, there were no people frightening the parents off.

When we got back, we found out that the Matthew Shepard Act had been passed. At least, that was what we were told. I'm not going to believe such a wonderful thing until I hear it from the internet officially. It looks very good right now.

"I know what you want," Ron bit out, voice tense with concentration as he eased his cock into Draco's arse. "You want that door wide open. We'll see how mouthy you are when all the trainees can see you taking my cock like a good little whore."
- I Must Not Torment Trainees by softly_sweetly

I know that S and s, my directors, are heterosexual.
I know that S has been transferred to Boston and that I will never see him again and by the time s sees him, s will likely have a new girlfriend.
I know that S and s are just good friends.

But God Damn it all to Hell, s is so adorable with his Draco-ish features and S is just so damn tall and Ron Weasley-ish. God Damnit it all to Hell and goddamnit all, that very well could happen in an alternate universe, and just as Sweetly described it, too.

I ship S/s. I dare not say it anywhere outside of my LJ.
You'd ship 'em, too, if you knew em.

Matthew Shepard act is up for vote on Monday. If you call your Congressman, I will draw for you. As long as it isn't bits.